So the doors have finally shut on 2015, a year of what I can only describe as that old faithful cliché ‘a total roller-coaster’.
I faced the ultimate low, losing my dad to the unfair, unbiased and vicious disease that is cancer. Losing him was terrible, but the months that lead up to his final days were some of the worst I ever have to face. Watching his mind and the person he was disappear, as well as his body physically failing him still haunts me, but one thing I am thankful for is being there to help care for him. I remember at the time worrying about work and being away from London and now I am comforted by knowing without a doubt it was the right thing to do, in fact it has been advice that sadly I have had to dish out to a couple of good friends recently, but I hope they take as much comfort in it as I did and still do.
Then, the highs. I was privileged enough to be the maid of honour for my best friend in the whole world at her wedding, a day so full of joy and elegance and love… just like her. Then as if I couldn’t get luckier she moved to London, so now our 1,000 whatsapp messages can be split up by hours wandering down the Kings Road and spending money neither of us have. London feels like a much happier place with her in it.
Then before I knew it September came around, and our wedding (part 2 of course). We had the most incredible day, and I felt so honoured to be able to spend it with all of our friends and loved ones, I felt so special, something I hadn’t felt in a long time. The sun split the sky and everyone has said what fun they had, but my highlight? Dancing to ‘Bridge over Trouble Water’ with hubby, it was as if it was just us and I play it over in my mind often. It’s funny, we had been married nearly a year but I feel more married now than I ever have.
We were also blessed with two holidays, honeymoon in Croatia and a sneaky trip to NY, topped by spending Christmas in Devon with the in-laws. A full on festive family time, was so lovely and despite a couple of wobbles about Dad it was overall a time of smiles and some great memories were made.
So what does 2016 have in store? Well hopefully buying our first house, spending some quality, drama free time with my husband and seeing more of the world. But what are my resolutions for this year? I thought hard about these, my bestie sent me her list and they are all so amazing and focused, she is the most determined person I know and that’s one of the things I love most about her, so I felt the pressure so I settled on these 5…(Drumroll please…!)
- Keep Blogging – and maybe show someone! So this is all new to me but is something I’ve been meaning to do for ages, in fact it was my CBT therapist who recommended writing things down as a way to get out my head, so here I am! But I also would like to gain more readers and maybe even promote my blog to friends and family. Why haven’t I already, because I worry about being judged…which leads me nicely onto…
- Stop caring what others thing of you – life is too short! This is something that comes as a natural side effect to the type of anxiety I have, I spend hours of time thinking and re-thinking what people think of me and playing that one sentence or conversation trying to read between the lines. At times It makes me too much of a people pleaser and I do things or put others needs in front of my own and I want to be in a place when I do that by my choosing, NOT because I worry about what that person will think of me after.
- Be more active – Yes, the typical health one has snuck in, but for me it’s not about losing weight as such, it is about being healthy and well. Me and Hubby both take great pleasure in cooking and the majority of what we eat is homemade and healthy (yes the odd takeaway creeps in!) but where we fall down is being active – so I’ve bought a gym log book and some new workout dvds – watch this space!
- Keep a book log & write reviews – I LOVE reading, I find it great escapism and my kindle has been my faithful friend through many a sleepless nights. Me and my bestie have an incredibly unofficial book club, and one thing we want to do together is write reviews of the books we read which I will no doubt share on here!
- Use my experiences with grief and my anxiety struggles to help others – a big statement and even typing it makes me nervous and a little anxious (oh the irony!). Would love to spill the details of my grand plan but to be honest I’m not sure how I am going to do that yet, it may be doing some anxiety specific posts on here about different tools I am trying or I may look at speaking at a couple of groups. Only time will tell – but if I have the guts to promote this blog and you have some ideas – then please get in touch!
So some big aims for me, but as I type this (despite being full of tonsillitis a cold and I’m sure some kind of sinus bug!) I am full of optimism that this year will be the best one yet, no black clouds as far as the eye can see – I can’t wait.
Bring it on 2016 – I’m ready.
Little Lemon x