What’s with all the judgement?

Recently, I have found myself in certain situations, finding myself having to justify my views and in fat aspirations on certain things – specifically around the conversation of having children. Now to make it clear – these judgements haven’t come from anyone I am directly close with – they all know what I want and my reasons, they came from third parties, friends of friends if you will.

Now I have a lot of friends, who have decided they do not want to have children, and I wholeheartedly support them and respect them for their decision. Me and hubby did at one time have that conversation, but we decided we wanted a family. What I was always shocked at was the stories of people judging them for their choice, but it seems this is no longer earmarked for the decision to not have children.

So here is the deal, me and hubby want children. We want to at least be having the conversation of trying for them at the end of next year, giving us time to move in, settle down and get the house to where we want. We will by then have been married for 3 years – which just feels right for us. I have made no secret of the fact that I may have to change jobs to work part time potentially, if at all – it depends on outgoings, and I cannot predict how I am going to feel after having a baby – I don’t want to commit to anything.  It is these decisions I am coming up against criticism and judgement for.

So far I have been told I am a cliché, stereotypical and in fact that I am damaging to feminism. Hold on a second – I thought feminism is about being able to choose what we want without having to justify it? Have I got the wrong end of the stick?

I realise what I want to do with my body and what will be my family is nobody’s damn business but I am disheartened that we have got to a stage where people are judged making either decision – it seems you can no longer win.

I will not be changing my dreams and plans for my family, what do I want to get from writing this post? I’m not sure, I wanted to get it off my chest and raise awareness that a throwaway comment to you might not be to the person you are speaking with – and if you have judgement – save it and vent it in private if you really have to, don’t pollute the atmosphere with it, please.

Until next time

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2 Comments

  1. FFS! Why do people feel the need to make judgements in such a way. Its your life and yours to chose how you want to live it! X

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  2. OMG, morons everywhere! I don’t want kids, so that’s shock and horror, you want kids so that’s shock and horror too. Geez, you’re doomed if you do, you’re doomed if you don’t -.-‘
    And no, motherhood isn’t killing feminism. Some of the biggest feminists I know are in fact mothers. On that note, some of the biggest feminists I know are guys!
    On a similar note, many self proclaimed “feminists” I know are not feminists at all, and are damaging both the women and feminism more than the patriarchy does. So don’t listen to those “feminists” and good luck to you and your husband in all that the marriage brings, in your case babies included on that list 🙂
    Best wishes, and don’t let anyone tell you how to live your life! It’s not about yay-babies or yay-no-babies, it’s about Yay-choice! 😉

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