I had been on a bit of an anxiety free streak of late, it had been a while since that horrible grey cloud and clawing at my gut feeling had reared its ugly head – until last week. It started on the previous Friday, in fact I had a conversation with a trusted colleague that I could feel it bubbling in my stomach – but hoped it would go away.
Oh boy, was I wrong. Slowly but surely it creeped in and by Tuesday I felt flat. So much so someone at work said ‘You just don’t seem your bright, bubbly self’ – which in itself then sent me into a further anxiety spiral. The nature of my day job is largely based around me being positive, smiley and approachable – so if course I started thinking ‘oh maybe they will think I can’t work if I’m not myself’ or ‘what a miserable cow – what has she got to be so down about’.
By the time the end of the week came around, I felt truly exhausted and down – I tried explaining it to hubby but it’s so frustrating when you can’t explain the trigger, or why it’s happening, so I ended up snapping at him those infamous words, that I am sure all suffers will have let slip out… “You just don’t understand”. When Friday came around I felt so down, and exhausted I started to get a headache and feel physically sick – so I left work early and came home and went straight to bed.
Now, one of my anxiety and depression triggers is tiredness, and not wanting to get out of bed or leave the house – so when hubby came home and wanted to take me out for dinner and for drinks as a treat, everything in me wanted to cry and stay in bed but I slapped on a bit more makeup and ventured out. It made me feel SO much better.
I then dipped again the next day (which frequently happens for me – I wake up feeling so down even though I’ve had a lovely evening) but there was no staying in bed for me as I had booked in for my first ever Psycle London experience with my bestie. That brought a whole other range of anxiety – what if I can’t do it, what If I’m not fit enough…I’m so unfit compared to my bestie I am going to look stupid – you get the idea. I was so anxious in the morning, after venturing to the local shop and coming home, when I rang the bell and hubby didn’t answer straight away (or answer his phone) – I lost my cool – I instantly thought he had fallen, or had a stroke and I couldn’t help – talk about disaster based thinking – which is my MO.
Well one thing I can say – there is nothing like getting seriously sweaty to instantly improve your mood – it was like the stress and anxiety melted away (hopefully along with a couple pounds of tummy fat!). I found when the instructor was telling me I should be proud and I am strong and brave – well it was exactly what I needed to hear and from a total stranger who was making me sweat my butt off. I am officially hooked and I can’t wait to book my next session – it’s not the cheapest form of cardio but I love the whole concept.
Then, to round off feeling better comes today, I let myself have a whole day doing all the things that make me happy – so I’ve caught up on reading some new health and nutrition books, read magazines, had a bath, binge watched Netflix documentaries and made some delicious food and writing blog posts.
It may have been a week of ups and downs – but I can now officially say I feel much better, and more determined to kick butt next week. So my words for any of you who are struggling at this moment – go against your gut – it’s hard but worth it, get outside and do some exercise, even a bit of a walk in the fresh air will do you the world of good. If none of that works – talk to someone, anyone – me even – I am ALWAYS happy to help support others. Keep your head up – it will pass just like a thunder storm – and the air will feel fresh again – I promise.
Until next time