This week is Mental Health Awareness Week and it is a week which is very close to my heart. I truly feel that although we have come along way in talking about mental health we can always do more.
I have many people in my life at the moment who have been suffering with mental health and I hear of people being committed and burning out all around – and it is heart-breaking.
I remember a dark time that when I look back on it makes my blood run cold, because it could have been the end for me. Many people look back at Kate and Wills wedding with happy memories of parties and no doubt an awful hangover. I remember it from a London hospital after trying to kill myself.
I was in a dark place and at that time I had no name for. My dad was battling cancer, I was a toxic friend group which was so damaging but I knew nobody else in London and I had no real resemblance of a career and I was single after a break up which left me emotionally bruised. I felt like I had no control and no purpose and I was so depressed. When I look back now the signs were all there, if I wasn’t going out on a weekend and getting blind drunk I’d be crawling into bed on the Friday night with my laptop and wouldn’t get out until Monday morning for work. I wouldn’t shower – my diet was a mess and I needed a lot of validation from others.
When I was at work or out I was life and soul and chatty and positive – but inside I was so lost. Then on that day I remember everyone was so happy – it was such an occasion and all I thought was ‘I am never going to get my happy ending’ and I couldn’t take it.
I won’t go into the details of what I did – but I remember being on the way in the ambulance to the hospital and one of my so-called-friends screaming at me and getting out of the ambulance and walking away and leaving me. I was vulnerable and embarrassed and at that point let down.
After getting home in the early hours I sat alone and had a really frank conversation with myself. I took some time out and I distanced myself form said friends (needless to say we no longer speak!) and did some things which made me happy. And then 3 weeks later… a man started at my work who was going to be my saviour. He is now my husband.
YES I know its cliché and typical but that man saved my life – and I am not saying you need a man to save your life. It might be a family member or a friend or even a colleague – but having someone who likes you for you can be the biggest healer.
Hubby encouraged me to get help and to talk about my depression and my anxiety. I honestly now look at my life and I have things I never expected – a great job that I love, a house in the country and a loving husband and some of the best friends a girl could ask for.
So why am I telling you could this – because it’s okay to talk about and I hope if one person reads this who is in a dark place and see’s that you can get out of it, it will give them a slither of hope. I still have dark days – scary days but I know if I can come back from the worst of it I can come back from those days. We need to hear more of these stories – to make it okay to talk about – it is okay to ask for help.
So to all of you out there who are struggling or are survivor’s – let’s lift each other up.